My treacherous day out with Kamini Rao

At the carpet store

I’m not entirely sure how I feel about today. On the one hand, much was accomplished, dollhouse-wise – and thank god for that, because the construction of this house has been dragging on for more than a year now and I’ve just about had it with my contractor. (Except, what can one do when one is only five inches tall, at the mercy of her human overlord and has no real means to go out and find another human who might be similarly skilled in the art of miniature construction. Furthermore, an endeavour like that would require a significant amount of money, of which I have none, having spent all my liquid funds paying aforementioned contractor in full…) On the other hand, however, there were numerous attempts made upon my life today – far more than is warranted on any given day – about which I am most certainly not thrilled.

This story is clearly getting away from me. My apologies, I am under a lot of stress, which I assume is fairly expected in the building of a new house, but nevertheless shouldn’t impede my ability to recount the events of today in a coherent manner. So let me start over.

Today, my interior designer, Kamini Rao, invited Ruchika (my flighty contractor) and I to accompany her on a trip to the carpet store and the printers. We were meant to pick out carpet patterns and then decide on the marble flooring for my master bathroom. Ruchika played chauffeur and drove us to both locations. The carpet store was in fact rather fun. At first. Carpet display mechanisms are pretty interesting to see in action. I did get a couple of strange looks from the staff at the store, though I think most of their side-long glances were directed at Ruchika – which I actually find rather entertaining (I mean, I’m not the one living vicariously through a 5-inch doll).

Discussing carpet patterns with Ruchika

Anyhow, towards the end, Kamini (who was also picking out carpets for another client of hers, and wanted our opinion on them) was very viciously opposed to what she claimed were my “boring, traditional tastes in carpeting”. I mean, Jesus, you pick one somewhat matronly floral carpet pattern and she won’t let you hear the end of it. Now I don’t mind the occasional difference of opinion, nor even the heated debate that might follow, but what you definitely don’t do is try to end said debate by flicking a 5-inch tall person off her 2ft high perch (In case that was unclear, I was sitting on a pile of carpets and she tried to push me off). That’s like throwing me off a balcony for Chrissake! Over a carpet pattern!

Arguing with Kamini Rao. This, by the way, was how high off the ground I was.

Thankfully, Ruchika did happen to catch her right before she could do it. The advantage of having a human overlord is that she is at least invested in keeping you alive, even if for the sake of her own twisted, supposedly “artistic” experiments. Though, much to my annoyance, that didn’t stop Ruchika from finding the whole thing pretty funny. I mean, I know they’ve both got this whole lovey-dovey “work wife” thing going on with each other, but geez, you have to draw a line somewhere.

Watching prints come out of the printer

Choosing marble flooring with Ruchika

In any case, I was prepared to put the whole thing behind me by the time we headed to the printers to test out various marble patterns for my bathroom. I got to see the test patterns as they were being printed and pick my favourites, and it was rather nice to be so involved instead of spending all my days in the dark in a drawer, waiting for my house to be built.

However, while Ruchika was away getting the final prints made and I was waiting, seated atop a tall roll of paper, Kamini Rao made her second attempt on my life – this time with no provocation whatsoever (that I knew of anyway…) And I nearly fell into the roll, which, by the way, was several feet taller and a way bigger drop than my previous perch. Thankfully though, I managed to grab onto the edge and pull myself back out, by which time Ruchika returned and Kamini couldn’t carry out anymore of her diabolical plans. Again though, Ruchika was definitely not as disturbed as she should have been about my accusations later that night.

Right after being pushed in

Close call

Anyway, the rest of the evening passed without incident, but I’m writing all this out here so that the proof exists if ever, in the future, Kamini Rao does get around to successfully offing me.

Oh well, let’s hope it doesn’t come to that.